A Midlife Woman Is Unstoppable

woman-unstoppable-deserves-betterYou’re unstoppable. Definitely. Especially when you think it’s all going downhill and younger women are taking over the planet, your mind is going south, you can’t remember your kid’s teacher’s name, if you’ve mailed the mortgage payment or it’s on autopay, “what-the-heck-was-I-thinking starting a business at my age?” or “screw it, I’m done!”.

Especially then.

If you’re in a rut right now, if you’re stuck and hurting and scared as hell to take a step forward…the ONE remedy, the thing that really works is: to do the thing you’re the most frightened of doing.

Trust that the net, the friends, the new community, job or place to live or whatever else will rise to catch you as you soar out over what might look like empty space.

The way towards freedom, towards better-than-this is not empty. It’s just so very full of your negative projections of doom you can’t see what’s really there: friendly faces and loving, gentle hands. Catching you. Whether you know them now, or they are blessings yet-to-come, they will catch you, and raise you up.

They are there. Waiting for you to step up. I am living proof of this. I stepped into the Void, with nothing but Trust and the net – finely woven of people I knew and resources, situations and people I had yet to meet – arose and supported me as they do all who journey bravely into the Unknown.

That infinitely strong and resilient net will emerge at just the right time to support you too.  Just step.


Step again.


*photo: David Avocado Wolfe

Surgery Without Sedation: The Update

healthSo what happened on Tuesday morning was a minor spinal epidural procedure to check nerve damage from stenosing of the disks and foraminal spaces. I was in an auto accident that broke my back, shattering the spinous process of a vertebra, and left me a paraplegic 27 years ago. I later re-grew the spinous process as I specialize in doing the impossible. (yes, you damn well can)

I overcame the paralysis to get out of bed in four years and have been fully mobile for the last nineteen.

This procedure (which falls short of actual “back surgery”) will give the doc a better idea of what’s going on inside several of the vertebrae with cool digital pics, plus relieve foraminal pressure on the sciatic nerve so my leg doesn’t go numb and become hard to use when walking upright on hard ground like concrete. Uphill hiking in my beloved redwood forest is now my fave activity…the angle my body bends at is comforting to the back.  🙂

Despite a vigorous lobbying campaign, mostly by the floor nurses, I refused the general anaesthesia they urged me to have. I allowed only a local to numb the skin at the incision sites, but could feel the deep body stuff…which was actually kind of cool. I used my ETHOS Method, NLP processes, chanting and meditation to render it all an “interesting experience” without pain. This is a process I will be teaching in the next few weeks – watch for the class announcement!

Last night, 12 hours after the procedure, I was doing minor house work, profoundly glad for all the hamstring stretching and endless squats, slams and lifting my trainer is doing with me in the gym and I’m doing at home. They’ve enabled me to bend low at home without any pain or dysfunction. I have had only what could be described as a very mild headache in my lower back that the doctor and all the nursing personnel told me is great but rare, as nearly everyone has intense pain for several days.

Nuh-uh. Nope. Not going there.



Just say “no” to Thought Viruses. This is when someone, often in a position of authority like a doctor, tries to impose their beliefs on you. They are doing it with a sincerely positive intention, so you accept how they say things will happen, and then manifest the other person’s beliefs in your body, life or business.

In fact, infinite possibilities for the outcome you want are available, if you will only choose them and stick to what you choose. But…Thought Viruses are pervasive, insidious and so insistent they tend to slip in under our radar to full acceptance before we know what’s happening.

If that’s a positive thing then great! Positive, endorsing Thought Viruses are what we need more of. Look to your coach, therapist, spiritual advisor or conscious business leaders to provide PTV’s consistently and without attachment to the outcome.

Unfortunately, most Thought Viruses are of the negative variety, like “you will never succeed” or the one I heard recently: “this procedure always brings days of intense pain, you’d better have general anaesthesia, everyone else does.”

Here’s a good reply to that and what I told the persistent nurses: “Dude, I am so NOT “everyone else”. Please get that and stop laying your belief story (a.k.a. “BS”) on me. The outcome you predict is only one of millions. I choose health, bliss, vitality and comfort of my bodymind. Please endorse this outcome as my doctor, nurse, therapist, family member or concerned friend. Thank you.”

Busting these kinds of Thought Virus infections in myself and my clients is one of my favorite occupations. Free your mind! Love that. 🙂

All too often we’re unaware of when we’ve been infected by a Thought Virus, but if you are in pain, have a persistent issue over and over or problems in business or relationships, Thought Viruses and their hallmark Limiting Beliefs are definitely at work.

Find them! Root them out, challenge your belieds about how things “just are”, “always have been” or “must be”. Best thing you can ever do for yourself – and a large part of what kept me pain free in the hospital and after.

* Again, if you’re interested in more help on this, stay tuned, I have a “how-to” webinar for you coming up soon. 🙂

This experience was one of the most fun things I have done all month. I met so many awesome people, was cared for tenderly and with joy and converted a family in the waiting room to energy therapies.

I was on my way out and home around 1pm but stayed another hour or so comforting a family who was most likely losing a family member in serious surgery. I taught them to tap, bore witness to their stories of what happened and just sat with them, tapping and listening. I taught them a bit of ETHOS and the kids in particular loved stepping aside into their “cat suit” Infinite Selves. I wanted to go home but….worth it. Worth it.

They thought I was a hospital counselor and were shocked to learn I was an exiting patient, who had just had minor surgery. But then I shared with them how much helping them healed me, and they got it.

A Truth: If you are hurting, messed up or in pain, help someone else and watch it all dissolve.

It is now 36 hours past the surgery and the 2 timy incisions have reduced to near invisible pinpricks. I slept most of today, ate very lightly as I was not hungry, and drank a lot of water. I feel good, and will be taking it easy tomorrow, but am basically already healed.

Thank you for your prayers, good vibes and well wishes. I am profoundly grateful for everyone’s awesome support. You rock! We both rock! Much love to you… ♡♡♡

Enough, Just As We Are 

god-in-your-food-geneen-rothMade any New Year’s resolutions yet? Just this once, I hope to encourage you not to participate in this festival of self-deprecation, and the subsequent beating up on yourself when resolutions go awry and you lose momentum.

You and I my friend, with our lumps, bumps, warts, bruises, saggy tits, chins, asses and cellulite, with entire planes, trains and automobiles full of baggage and broken dreams…we are enough, and beautiful, and perfect, just as we are.

By the way, you’re not alone. Around 94% of us fizzle on even the most fervently-meant resolutions by Valentine’s Day. That’s everyone else, practically speaking, so don’t feel bad if you poop out too. I think the successful 6% refers to mystics living in caves, but certainly not you and I living out here in the trenches of life, as it were.

Here’s the thing: resolutions don’t work, and you don’t need them. If the past decade plus of fizzled-by-February piecrust promises haven’t taught you that, nothing will. But regardless, please hear this — you are whole, perfect and enough, just as you are.

With all our baggage and broken dreams…we are enough.

I spoke this month of Geneen Roth’s wisdom on “enoughness” as some of my students in the Goddess Body program shared that they eat to fill holes in themselves. Holes left by dead family members, wayward children, unfaithful lovers, unfulfilling jobs, paradise lost and their own sense of desperation and disappointment at being 40, 50 or beyond and not having gotten past the past, or being where they thought they would be by now. There was serious sadness and grief in the room. Which is not a place from which make it better.

Breathe into that sadness, acknowledge it and let it go. Deliberately, and with great compassion and awareness. Peace, dear friend. You are enough, just as you are. Relax into that and let everything else fade from view.

This quote from Gabor Maté, author of “In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts” perfectly describes what we cope with when we self-bash like this:

“Much of our culture and our economy are based on exploiting people’s sense of emptiness and inadequacy, of not being enough as we are. We have the belief that if we do this or acquire that, if we achieve this or attain that, we’ll be satisfied. This sense of lack and this belief feed many addictive behaviors, from shopping to eating to workaholism. In many respects we behave in a driven fashion that differs only in degree from the desperation of the drug addict.”

We are all perps and addicts. Every last one of us. The only difference is substance of choice, and the only cure, whether it’s a pastry, pill, credit card, computer mouse, beer, bong, porn video or a syringe in our hand, is to deliberately choose to feel our feelings fully, and deal with them from that point with great and compassionate awareness. And to extend that same deliberate compassion to everyone else as an act of selfless service and spiritual practice.

May peace and the feeling of blessed perfection be with you as you enter the New Year, dear friend. What simple act of allowing would it take for you to truly experience this, immediately?

Let go, let it be so and be here, now.


*graphic courtesy geneen roth

Body Reshaping – Two Views

(scroll down for the apocryphal picture of me at close to max weight…and today’s version…)

I am fortunate enough to have a very good friend in social media expert Andy Wibbels (@andymatic on Twitter). We’ve masterminded and built our businesses side by side for years and he has been such a help and good friend to me. Color me very grateful for this high class, high value friendship. He’s also a great yardstick for my personal bodily transformation.

The below right picture is from a few years ago, when I had dropped a great deal of fat and sculpted a leaner, happier body. The one on the left is of me two years before, almost to the day.

My chin became pretty much a straight line from under-lip to collarbone, and was a triple roll at my high weight of 335 (it was more, but I had refused to be weighed after that point). I’d already released about thirty pounds slowly over many years as I struggled back to mobility from being paralyzed.

All the melting & sculpting done in these pictures happened in less than a year. My caption below is wrong – it was closer to 70 pounds, plus 5 dress sizes, 1 shoe size, 4 bra sizes and 2 chins down, plus over 6″ off my abdomen so far.

I’m still going, but I want to talk about this initial body melting jag. Everyone wants to know the how, of how I did it.

Andy and Maryam Weightloss Comparison

I didn’t effort, I just had fun.

I didn’t restrict my eating, I had what my body wanted. How I did it plus so much more I’ve learned since then, is something my clients learn when we work together. I will give you two clues right now though that will make a HUGE difference in how much you can sculpt your body:

1) I went off all gluten containing grains and so can you. Now, with all the new gluten free breads, pastries and so on, it’s a bit more difficult as you do need use them sparingly, just like you would any pastry etc. However, most of us will find that going gluten-free not only begins peeling the fat of like melting butter, but will also clear up a host of allergies, headaches, tiredness and other minor complaints.

You don’t need to be a person with celiac disease to go off gluten, and you will NOT suffer any kind of vitamin deficiency from doing so. But it does take knowledge of how to do it successfully and the pitfalls to avoid. I can definitely help you out there…

2) Move your body every day, in the way that pleases you most. It doesn’t have to be an Olympic sport, maybe you like running up and down stairs or dancing (one of my favorites) or walking through the park. Whatever it takes, get up offa that thing, humans were designed to move, not stay glued to one spot as many of us with computer jobs now do.

You MUST make time for your body. If orgasm is your thing, then rock that for daily movement. Just be sure to get at least 20 minutes of it to start with. And, you can break that up into several sessions if you need to.

Interested in this kind of transformation (plus so much more)?


Request your special Breakthrough Session – we’ll nail what YOU need to do to get your body transformation going strong!



Taking Roses To The Max: Making Rose Absolu

Third and Last Article in the Roses for Wellness Series: Making Rose Otto or Absolu by Cold Extraction for Midlife Health & Wellness

Rose0Rose otto is also known as attar of roses or rose absolu / absolute, and is the purest form of rose oil. Cold extraction without using heat preserves the high oils in the scent the best, but you’ll get very little scent from the amount you’ll be able to make at home. However, a little bit goes a long way.

When I was a student in Medicinal Herbalism and Aromatherapy at the Saffron Walden (UK) school in the 1980’s, we mustered out at dawn to gather organic highly scented  old-fashioned perfume roses with exotic names like Therese Bugnet, Zephrine Drouhin, and Don Juan, as well as very newly introduced English rose hybrids such as Abraham Darby, Gertrude Jekyll, Jubilee Celebration, Mary Rose,  Heritage, and classic Damask roses.

You must gather the roses while the dew is still on them in early morning, before the sun has touched the blooms. Once the sun has touches the blossoms you’ve lost half the essential oils, so get up early!

1) Remove the petals from flowerheads and stems, and submerge the petals in spring, distilled or highly filtered, non-chlorinated water in an enamel, glass, stainless steel or copper vessel to cover the volume of petals by twice their volume.

Figure about a quart of packed petals to 2 quarts cold water. If you don’t have a 4 quart glass vessel, a well-scrubbed and impeccably rinsed stock pot will do.

2) Cover with cheesecloth and put in a cool, dark place.

3) In 24 hours, you can skim the essential oil, or otto/attar of rose from the top of the water. It will look like scum, but smell divine. Remove it with toothpicks, or a non-absorbent enamel spoon or non-metal / non-plastic knife edge, and put into a dark glass jar. The small blue or amber glass bottles sold for aromatherapy and about the size of a thimble are ideal.

4) In small production, you’ll probably only get a fraction of a teaspoonful, but this is enough to make a very high end rose water by adding the otto to a few quarts of fresh water and shaking vigorously.

5) Or, reserve the otto to mix with a neutral carrier oil such as grapeseed, almond or jojoba, to make your own perfume essence.

6) To extend your homemade perfume, make a light cologne by adding the rose otto to an atomizer filled with a tablespoon of vodka or grain alcohol and a half cup of distilled water. Shake before spraying and beware using if you’re outdoors in the daytime as bees will be irresistibly attracted to you. As will potential lovers! Rose is one of the scents that blend well with human pheromones and extend their attraction power.



Next article up: Taking Roses To The Max

First article in the series: Cool How To: Making Your Own Rosewater

Second article in the series: How To Use Rosewater for Health & Wellness